Establishing a Deeper Bond

I want to make sure I’m establishing the best bond I can with me little one. I have noticed that at 10 months, she doesn’t like to be held as much and snuggle often. I have thought about sleeping in a spare room with her when she wakes up around 4-6am in the mornings. I just want to feel really connected with her. I’m with her all the time but both of my parents passed away in 2021 and it was just so hard on me I had to go back to work to get my head straight. I feel like I should have stayed home with her. Now I regret going back to work, maybe our bond would be deeper if I had not have put her in day care 5 days a week from 9-5?

Best Answer

  • drtracyd
    drtracyd Member, Expert
    Answer ✓

    @Meltxoumb Your baby is doing exactly what she needs to be doing at 10 months old. Here is what I know from attachment theory. When your child feels safe and secure with you, she will then feel safe to go and explore her world. There are several "moments" that are seen when children are developing their autonomy. Around 9/10 months old is one of them. I'm wondering if we can reframe her not snuggling as much as an indication that she is growing in a secure environment and that she is developing as she should - which means - Good job, Mom! One of the best things we can do in our relationship with our children is to respect their needs and to not "put" our needs on them (e.g., pushing our need for snuggles onto them and instead respectfully accepting their wish to explore and be separate). Find the moments when she wants to be close to you and hold onto these to indicate that you are bonded.

Answers

  • drtracyd
    drtracyd Member, Expert
    Answer ✓

    @Meltxoumb Your baby is doing exactly what she needs to be doing at 10 months old. Here is what I know from attachment theory. When your child feels safe and secure with you, she will then feel safe to go and explore her world. There are several "moments" that are seen when children are developing their autonomy. Around 9/10 months old is one of them. I'm wondering if we can reframe her not snuggling as much as an indication that she is growing in a secure environment and that she is developing as she should - which means - Good job, Mom! One of the best things we can do in our relationship with our children is to respect their needs and to not "put" our needs on them (e.g., pushing our need for snuggles onto them and instead respectfully accepting their wish to explore and be separate). Find the moments when she wants to be close to you and hold onto these to indicate that you are bonded.

  • Thank you Dr Tracy, I understand what you shared and I will use it moving forward