Hubby woes

We’re always warned as women to not neglect our spouse when baby comes but I feel like my husband is the one that has completely forgotten about me and the fact that I’m the reason baby is here and I’m the one doing everything to keep baby alive and well along with majority of household upkeep too. How do I get him to see this or how do I accept this new relationship dynamic? It’s like I’m just baby’s mom and not his wife anymore 😔

Answers

  • Talk to him about your frustrations and work together on how you can improve it. Pick one day out of the month to do a date. I also highly suggest marriage counseling. It is saving my marriage right now and helping him to see how much I do. It is hard!

  • drtracyd
    drtracyd Member, Expert

    @fiyin I would be concerned about accepting this new relationship dynamic, as it sounds like you have some unmet needs. By continuing to push down your needs, you are at risk for building resentment. I think it's important that you have acknowledged your needs here in your Q. Now, we can talk about sharing this with your partner. Sometimes we go into blame and criticism when we talk to our partner about our needs. The challenge with this is that blame pushes them away, and they don't understand what we are looking for. Start by sharing with your partner how you feel and what you need by using "I feel..." and 'I need..." language. It might sound something like, "I really miss you and miss feeling close. I need more time for just the two of us. I know we have both been busy with baby and focused on doing all the things. Could we have ten minutes on the couch today to talk, no interruptions?" Remember, sharing this need once is not enough to create change and I encourage partners to express their needs multiple times. I also wonder if you need to offload some of the tasks that you hold. Many women find themselves doing all of the tasks for baby and the household but don't make time for themself. This is also important to have a healthy relationship. If you aren't feeling understood by your partner, this blog post might help you.