Connection after baby

Ker Member

I'm having trouble getting the motivation to go out and be away from my 6month old. I love my wife beyond belief and always thought it important to keep our marriage relationship as a high priority but just don't feel the need for us to go out and leave our kiddo with grandparents. (Granted weve barely been out at all in the last 2 years, nothing to do with the bearn). My wife seems to want to leave the kiddo overnight or for a weekend and part of me just feels not ready and the other part doesn't see the point. Is this desire something that will just come eventually?


  • Start off slow. Do an hour for dinner, and then maybe next time it is 2 hours for a movie. Doing things without your baby is soo important for your relationship and your mental health. You have to remember that you are more than a parent. You are an individual that needs you time and a spouse. It sounds like your wife is asking for you time.

  • drtracyd
    drtracyd Member, Expert

    @Ker Sometimes we wait to do something until we "feel" like it, or we "desire" to do it. As an analogy, people often wait to feel "motivated" to go to the gym. But we know that this desire and motivation often come AFTER doing the thing that you don't feel like doing. Most people don't say they're excited to run 5K in one spot, but will say how amazing they feel after. The same with leaving your little one. Perhaps you won't feel like it the first time, but you may experience more drive to do it again after. Perhaps this is a time where you try it once to see what it feels like. We know that relationships need nurturing outside of the daily routine and home. Strong partnerships come from trying new things together, taking time away from baby and reigniting the spark (and not talking about the baby!), and getting outside of our comfort zone. For some, this means they try a new recipe together after baby goes to bed. For others, they need a night away. Perhaps the question to explore for yourself is this: What could you gain from taking time away? I imagine there could be a lot (but in the meantime, your mind is really good at telling you that you shouldn't go.)